Martial

 

Martial, Epigrammata 1.42



Martial

IX.41


Ponticus, you only fuck your fist.
That complaisant left hand is your sole mistress.

No big deal, you say?
Believe me pal, it's a major crime--
More than you can imagine.

Horatius fucked just once, and sired three sons;
Mars did the same, and Ilia bore twins.
If either guy had jerked off in his hand,
Down the drain with natural increase!

Mother Nature is displeased. She chides you:
"The sticky stuff that's dripping from your fingers
Is a human being, Ponticus."

                (Translated from the Latin by Joseph S. Salemi)

 

 

Martial

XII.95


Instantius Rufus, go ahead and read
Those depraved pornographics of Musaeus,
The ones that are filthier
Than the Sybaritic sex manuals.
Read those hot and salty pages.

Just be sure your girlfriend's with you
So that Mrs. Fist and her five lusty daughters
Aren't your sole bridal party,
And you become a husband-plug
Without a wife-socket.

                    (Translated from the Latin by Joseph S. Salemi)

 

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